What should I do when my boyfriend is in contact with his ex?
Address the Situation Openly..
Don’t hide the fact that you’re bothered or insecure. This doesn’t mean that you should blame your boyfriend for feelings of jealousy that you might have. This simply means that you should acknowledge them.
Communicate your fears to your boyfriend. If he doesn’t seem to care or acts really defensive about it, then maybe you should press him for more details.
Figure Out Why He Is Talking to His Ex..
Some people can genuinely be “just friends” . Maybe they started dating, realized their feelings were mostly platonic, and decided to remain friends.
This is the ideal situation if your boyfriend is still talking to his ex: they are basically close friends who have no romantic feelings whatsoever. There’s little to be jealous about if their relationship was short-lived and not very fiery. Even better, if your boyfriend’s ex turned out to be gay (or straight, if you’re gay) and that’s why their relationship ended, then there’s not as much of a chance that something inappropriate is happening between them. (Granted, it could still happen.)
On the other hand, there’s more reason to be suspicious if there’s no conceivable reason that they’re still talking. For example, let’s say that your boyfriend and his ex had a purely physical relationship and went through an explosive breakup. Furthermore, they were never very good friends in the first place. Why would they still be talking?
Consider How Long Your Boyfriend and His Ex Have Been Apart..
Did they break up like a million years ago, before you even met each other? In that case, maybe the fire between them has cooled off enough that they can legitimately be friends without any drama.
On the other, hand, did they break up just last month? Did they break up because of you?
If it’s only been a few weeks and your boyfriend is already talking to his ex, this might be something that you’ll want to calmly address with him.
Take Some Time to Think (and Cool Down)..
Even if you find information that you don’t like while probing your boyfriend about the situation, take some time to be by yourself and think about what’s going on. Before you react, reflect on what your rational response should be.
Remember that if your reaction is based on insecurity, you may do irreparable damage to your relationship. You might unwittingly send the message to your boyfriend that you don’t trust him. How will he react to that? Is he really doing anything wrong? Think carefully about what you’ve learned and the best way to proceed.
Obviously, if you’ve discovered that your boyfriend is sending naked pictures to his ex or something like that, there’s less to think about. In unambiguous situations like those, you might just want to kick the guy to the curb.
If his ex really is just a friend, your boyfriend should have no problem introducing you. Sure, it’s normal for him to feel a bit awkward bringing a current and past flame together, but it should be doable.
However, if he is still seeing his ex in secret, he’ll probably feel too guilty to introduce you or allow you to hang out together. He’ll probably be nervous that you’ll discover his two-timing ways.
If you do meet his ex, pay attention to how she (or he) acts. Does she seem nervous around you? Does she give you smug looks? Is she really touchy-feely with your boyfriend? If so, then you might have a problem. Even if there’s nothing between them, she may be trying to rekindle something.
After meeting his ex, if you can tell that she definitely still carries a torch for him, advise your boyfriend of this. If you’re uncomfortable with the idea of his talking to someone who clearly still wants him, don’t be afraid to let him know.
Signs Your Man Isn’t Over His Ex..
He talks about her all the time. If your boyfriend keeps bringing up his ex, that could be a sign, he still has feelings for them. Even if he’s mad at his ex and complains, the fact that they’re on his mind is a red flag.
He’s active in his ex’s social media..
If you’re over somebody, you don’t like everything they post. It’s another sign that the ex is on his mind.
He uses his ex’s name by mistake. Ouch! If he calls you by his ex’s name once, maybe let it slide. If it happens again, time to wonder if he hasn’t moved on.
He compares you to his ex. That’s just rude. And also a sign he’s still into his ex.
He won’t introduce you to friends he has in common with his ex. If he won’t introduce you to friends who know his ex, it may be because he doesn’t want the old relationship to be over.
